Sunlight
by GrapefruitSpritzer
Summary: Sebastian knew, of course. Everyone knew. No one talked about it. It had been two and a half years since Faye had last spoken to Sam, and the pressure on her chest hadn't let up since. She'd lost hope that it ever would.


Sam's wedding was beautiful. A bright summer afternoon, as sunny as his smile. The clearing outside of town was filled with perfumed flowers and laughter as all the villagers came together to celebrate his joy. _Their_ joy.

Sam's son was beautiful. A sweet and cheerful 2 year old, with a streak of mischief that Sam blamed on Vince's teenage influence. Everyone knew who it came from though, just like his mess of blonde hair and easy smile. The bright green eyes, however, were from his mother.

Sam's wife was beautiful. Soft red curls surrounding a heart-shaped face, sprinkled with pinprick freckles across her nose. The picture of demure perfection. She was beautiful inside, too – gentle and kind, with a warmth that touched everyone around her.

She was everything Faye wasn't. Had everything that Faye didn't. But no matter how much Faye wanted to, she couldn't bring herself to hate Penny. To hate him.

She just hated herself instead.

* * *

Pushing the door to Pierre's open with her boot, Faye grunted as she wheeled her latest harvest into the store. Pumpkins were heavy, even with the wheelbarrow, and she once again vowed to invest in a tractor come spring.

Yeah, right. Like she'd ever have the spare cash for that. Traditional, organic farming had proven to not be a lucrative career choice - her modest harvests barely brought in enough to keep her belly full and bills paid. If she had known that this is how her life would end up, she might have just sold her grandpa's land instead of moving onto it.

Too late now.

"Whoa, careful girl!" a bubbly voice called out, catching a rogue pumpkin as it toppled off the side of the pile. Faye leaned around the stack to see Abigail setting the fruit on the counter, eyeing it with delight.

"Awww hell yeah! PUMPKIN SEASON!" she squealed, clapping her hands together with unchecked excitement. Faye heard a snicker from her right, and flicked her gaze over to see Sebastian leaning against a shelf of canned goods, arms crossed in front of him.

For a moment her heart sunk in her chest. Eyes quickly skimming the rest of the store, Faye held her breath until Sebastian's soft voice confirmed that she was safe.

"He's not here."

Seb knew, of course. Everyone knew. No one talked about it. Even hearing the reference, that simple pronoun _he_ , caused the familiar lump to grow in her throat. It had been two and a half years since she'd last spoken to Sam, and the pressure on her chest hadn't let up since. She'd lost hope that it ever would.

Eyes cast down to avoid Abigail's look of pity, Faye asked where Pierre was. She just wanted to sell these pumpkins and get back to her farm. Every trip into town carried the risk of seeing him, of forcing her stiff jaw into a fake smile, of blinking back tears that never dried up. She'd gotten very good at avoiding him, and as a result tended to avoid everyone.

She didn't even recognize the shell of a person that she'd become.

"He went to pick up some bread from Evelyn," Abigail replied, plucking a stray leaf from the pumpkin's stem. "He should be back in a few minutes if you want to wait."

Faye did not want to wait, but deciding it was better than hauling her crop back, she set the handles of the wheelbarrow down and moved to lean against the wall. None of them spoke, and the silence felt awkward. It never used to be this way. They were all friends, once upon a time – playing video games, making music, teasing and giggling and staying up all night. For the first time in her life, Faye had felt like she belonged.

She should have known it was too good to last.

Eventually Abby broke the silence, her cheerful nature unable to stand the tension that had settled over the room. "Oh, hey! I'm having a Spirit's Eve party in the secret woods this Saturday. Costumes, snacks, booze. You should come!"

"Oh… no, thanks," Faye declined immediately.

Abby huffed, lips pressing together in a frown. "Look, I know it's hard but you have to get over this! It's not healthy to be holed up in your house all the time. Even _Sebastian_ gets out more than you these days!"

"…thanks," Seb muttered flatly.

She stuck her tongue out at him and continued. "We miss you Faye. Please come, just for a little bit?"

Faye lifted her gaze to meet theirs – Abby's pleading, Sebastian's cool sincerity. She missed them too. She missed feeling like a person. It would be impossible to avoid him completely at a small gathering in the woods, but if she just kept her distance, kept her eyes from wandering, then maybe…

Despite knowing she was almost certainly making a mistake, Faye nodded.

* * *

At first it wasn't so bad. As planned, Faye stayed on the sidelines, sitting on a log a few feet behind the campfire where most of the group was gathered. Overjoyed that she actually showed up, Abby kept her company for a while, as did Sebastian – though knowing him, he was probably just avoiding the crowd. Honestly, it felt good to just talk to someone like a normal human being again. Her smile was delayed, her laugh sounded rusty...but they were real. She was almost daring to think that maybe there was hope for her yet.

That is, until she got careless. Dropping her guard for a split second, Faye glanced around the party – and saw _them._

Penny was the definition of tastefully cute in her blue-and-white checkered dress, hair done into pigtails, toting a stuffed puppy in a basket around her arm. Sam wore a green flannel with a rope tied around his waist, blonde hair sticking every which way out of his pointed cap like straw.

A couple's costume, some idle part of her brain noted. Of course.

All of her logic and self-preservation instincts were screaming at her to stop looking, but her eyes refused to comply. They were glued to his form, to his strong shoulders and square jaw and cheeks that never grew out of their boyish charm. He was smiling, laughing at something Alex was saying to him, and she drank in the sight like it would save her soul.

Her head filled with memories of him laughing like that with her. Of late nights spent in each other's arms, watching movies and raiding Jodi's fridge. Of soft melodies played on his guitar while he sung her to sleep. Of twining their fingers together as his hips pushed her into the mattress.

She watched helplessly as his arm slipped around Penny's waist, and it all turned to ash in her mouth.

The spell broken, Faye dropped her eyes to the ground at her feet, heel twisting to grind a fallen leaf into powder. She was an idiot. She never should have agreed to come here. She…

"Want a smoke?"

Faye looked in surprise at the man next to her, his level gaze saying more than words that he understood what was going on in her head. Sebastian was the most anti-social person she had ever met, but he knew her pain better than anyone. They'd talked each other back from the edge more times than she could count, now.

Faye didn't smoke but accepted anyway – partially to get away from the party for a few minutes, partially hoping that the nicotine would calm down her throbbing heart. She followed Sebastian deeper into the woods until he stopped in front of a large oak, digging his cigarettes out of his hoodie pocket. They were close enough that she could still hear the party but not make out individual voices, and she was thankful for that. She didn't think she could cope with hearing him right now.

Pressing her back into the rough bark of the tree, Faye slid a cigarette between her lips and leaned into the flame Seb held out for her. The acrid smoke burned as it filled her lungs, but she was grateful for the distraction from the other, sharper pain in her chest.

"Thanks," she murmured, sliding down the tree until she hit the ground below. He hummed in response, lighting his own cigarette and sitting beside her. Their shoulders brushed slightly, and knowing Sebastian's tolerance for physical contact was just about zero, she expected him to shift away. To her incredible surprise, however, he did the opposite – he leaned closer, tipping his head to the side to rest against the top of hers.

Faye stiffened, no longer used to being touched – especially by Sebastian of all people – but after a moment she relaxed into it. His arm was warm against hers, and he smelled nice, like rain and laundry soap mixed with the smoke that swirled around them. Neither of them said anything. Nothing needed to be said.

She didn't know how long they sat there, staring into the darkness together, but it was long enough for drowsiness to set in. Faye's eyelids had just fluttered closed when Sebastian shifted, tucking a foot under him and standing up.

"We should probably get back."

Faye shivered as his reassuring warmth disappeared, a stark reminder that relief was always temporary and fleeting. Harsh reality was always waiting, eager to push her back under.

She wasn't ready.

"I'm going to stay here a few more minutes," she said, somehow managing to keep the edge of panic out of her voice.

"Want me to stay with you?"

 _Yes._

"No."

His dark eyes locked on hers, and she had the distinct feeling he knew she was lying. But Sebastian was never the type to push, so he let it go, turning and walking back towards the soft glow of the campfire.

Faye hugged her knees to her chest, the fall breeze making goosebumps rise on her arms despite her hoodie. Though she wasn't sure if it was the cold, or the acute feeling of being alone. It was strange, since she was alone so much of the time, but something about it felt so much worse tonight. Misery was better than this empty despair.

She stood to go back, but paused when she heard the soft crunch of leaves as someone approached. Squinting at the figure in the darkness, she expected to see Sebastian coming back for a misplaced lighter or something. She was not prepared for her stomach to suddenly drop out as his face came into view.

"Faye?"

Faye's muscles were frozen in place, unable to do anything but stare as Sam quickly closed the distance between them, stopping only scant inches in front of her. Her heart sputtered into overtime, the fragile threads of her remaining sanity on the verge of snapping at his closeness. Everything was confusion - the desperate longing to reach out and press herself against him, adrenaline compelling her to run away, uncertainty and fear and overwhelming heartache making her feel like the world was going to spin right out from under her feet.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, brows furrowed.

"That's my line," she replied, somehow managing to keep her voice steady.

He chuckled, running his fingers through his hair. He'd lost the cap, she noticed. Good. That unruly mop was one of her favorite things about him.

"Nature called," he answered with a shrug. "So...yeah. It's been a while. You look good," he said diplomatically, giving her a quick once over.

She forced the corner of her mouth up. "Thanks. Nice costume," she responded, unable the undercurrent of bitterness out of her voice.

He didn't seem to notice. "Yeah, it suits me. All heart, no brains," he said, cracking a grin.

Faye's half-hearted smile widened, softening into something real. Those big silly grins of his were so bright, so warm...and despite everything, they still managed to thaw her out.

He was her sun.

Sam took a half-step closer to her, arm raising of its own accord, fingers outstretched to touch her like it was the most natural thing in the world - and something in Faye broke. She shuddered and flinched away, dropping her head to hide the traitor tears that pricked her eyes. She needed to leave, now. It all hurt too much. She couldn't do this.

His hand fell away. "Are...you okay?" he asked quietly.

The gentleness in his voice sent another ripple of pain through her. "No," she choked out, unable to manage a convincing lie. "I'm really not."

"Faye..."

He murmured her name like a prayer, and her heart thumped in response. Yoba, she missed that sound.

Gently, carefully, he took her chin in his hand and tilted her head up, silently begging her to look at him. For the first time in over two years, Faye's tired, watery eyes met his brilliant blues. And when they did, the world seemed to stop.

She saw something there, and all of her pain melted away. All her anguish, all her despair, gone as if it had never even existed in the first place. It was selfish, wrong, horrifyingly immoral - he was _married_ , he had a _baby_ \- but in that moment none of it mattered. All she could feel was the overwhelming warmth of the sun, wrapping her up in the absolute certainty of the love shining in his eyes.

"I missed you," he whispered, bending his face down to hers.

Faye felt like she was on fire. His lips were warm, so warm, pressed to hers with a delicious edge of desperation that sent her blood boiling through her veins. She kissed him back eagerly, unable to think, unable to breathe. She had needed this for so long. Needed him for so long.

She was drowning in him, in the scent of his skin and the little sounds of pleasure coming from deep in his throat. Her head was swimming but she couldn't get enough, unwilling to pull away long enough to take a proper breath. His fingers tangled in her hair, gripped tightly at her waist, and she closed her eyes to revel in the feel of it all.

Somewhere in the inky blackness, she found heaven. And it was hers.

* * *

Faye's eyes opened slowly, blinking as they struggled to focus in the darkness. A soft, warm weight pressed against her side, and she smiled, lifting her head from his shoulder to look at the face of the only man she had ever loved.

But the messy hair she saw was black, not blonde. The eyes she looked into were earth, not sky. His expression was cool, smooth ice - not smoldering, passionate fire.

"You awake?"

Faye's eyes dulled as a powerful, all-consuming emptiness enveloped her. Wordlessly, she stood, walking away from the party and into the darkness.

The sun was gone.


End file.
